Monday, December 8, 2014

What are WORDS

As far as I could fathom, it was when the sun slowly settles down into world's horizon. It was where things started to lay low in silence from the day's burden. It was also then when circumstances swallowed me in terror. Stuck with fears in my heart on ocean's creepiest revelations... there was I, in a total  fright. Panting. Catching every breath I take. Listening to the resounding beat from my chest. It was all nothing but fear--- some sort of like a feeling  felt from a hundred of nightmares I cannot evade from. 

And then I was there..... down on my knees, soaking wet of salted water, dazed a bit by liquor. Alone and cold. When suddenly a warm hand grasp mine. Arms wide open, welcoming that shivering body I had. With that brisk shoulders , he then reluctantly carried me over his back offshore. One figure of a man shadowed with care and concern for such weakling lady----ME. On that day forth, I felt am no longer alone. NOT ANYMORE!

There it all started at the BEACH .....

I am You

For every doubtful WIFE needs her faithful HUSBAND
For every reckless QUEEN needs her reprimanding KING
For every demanding GODDESS needs her considerate GOD
For every weakling DAMSEL needs her protective KNIGHT
For every sweet BRIDE needs her loving loving GROOM 

......all comes into one though ----- HEs complete the SHes  , as much as I need my man.

Who would ever thought that one hopeless romantic Cebuano meets a happy go lucky DumagueteƱa.

What we had been through was quite tough. Hard for him to accept who I really was , especially that he knew me when am on my worst. It took me sometime even to ponder on the sincerity or genuineness of his actions. Who would ever though that he could be so persistent upon winning my love. He never failed. I fell for him, unexpectedly .

I even asked a single sign just to challenge the thought of an existence of an US or a WE.  It only took one strong bark of a DOG upfront to say YES (might could be unusual) ..... yet it did happen. (Why that sign ? It just popped up anyway. ) On the 10th of October by year 2014 , began such blissful journey with this guy.  Never did I had even an inch of remorse nor regret unto such decision of choosing such man---- so outspoken, mature, descent, smart, presentable and humble, beyond anything else.

You are I

He may not be the boyfriend I expected; but definitely the guy more than I wanted and direly needed. Changing me fully for the better is one big factor which made me realized that I've fallen to the right guy. Allowed me to experience first of firsts in life.

Let me give you a picture of it. Just a countdown of 10.
Because of him:

...  Jela is no longer a free soul engulfed in all bad habits of liberty and pleasure 
...  Jela  is becoming mild tempered and patient, somehow (That's true! DONT LAUGH )
... Jela knows how to prioritize what is best for her, make use of what she have and feel contended about it . No more materialistic thoughts as before. 
... Jela now knows how to formally introduce a man to her family
... Jela knows how to feel secured and certain everytime he is around
... Jela is now mindful on what to wear
... Jela is becoming more appreciative on simple thoughts, words, actions and occurrences taking place. Considering every bit of moment as special
... Jela is becoming sensitive and emotionally entwined with her lover
... Jela is aware of placing God on the certain of a relationship
... Jela now knows how to treat a partner more than just a companion or a mere lover. 


For some reason, I kinda lose hope of having a perfect man for me. Before, it was much easier to have someone whom am happy with than being whom I can best settle with. BUT now, all happened the other way around. Much much mooore superb as I had in mind. Much better than what  I deserve.

Fate kicked in too fast for the both of us. We were just two different people from our two peculiar worlds by then; now, bounded by love and trust. Never been so adored and treated so special before. It truly is a different kind of feeling which I seem to long since. He and my family are living proofs that God has never forsaken me, and that I still have a  purpose to fulfill. 

***********************************************

Here are some sweet and compelling lines that comes naturally from him, are things which I truly value and will keep for a lifetime:
(UNEDITED)


....but before you do, ponder unto this lovely song first. OUR MOST FAVORITE! ^_^





"The first time I laid eyes on you was during your nesting days... Never did really thought or think at that time that we'd get to know each other, you were being You, and I was being Me... hehehe. Anyways, I am I and You are You, and in our difference somehow things just started to fall into place, although I'm not sure to what extent... " 






"Hope guides me , that is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you."


"If only you know how much I really care for you Jela Mae Ruales... 
How much I want this to work out... 
How much you really mean to me... 
How much I really want to be with you... "






"If I could ask one thing, it would be to stop the moon. Stop the moon and make that night and your beauty last forever."



"If it means a lifetime of watching my dearest back, then I wouldn't mind waiting for that one special moment when you'll turn and me seeing that glow in your face and you saying... IM READY!!! Now thaaaat is doooope... "



"YOU my dearyy is MY living proof that I should never give up on LIFE. "











"Things have started t change and things will continue to change for the both of us dearyy... 
and Im more than willing to take a leap of faith together with you."

  
"Your friend, your knight and your lover... this too shall be my vow to my one and only dearryy.
Let our futures past become our tomorrow's forever."




"There are moments when I am with ma dearryy that I am just in a total awe. You are someone whom I wanna be with forever.





"True.. that its worth waiting for someone worthy. hehehe
But isn't it also true... not to waste time to not being with someone worthy.
By your side is also nicer than just being around you , wouldn't you agree? "


"Am a lost of words dearryy... 
Please know that I will treasure each moment spent with you. Love you dearry" 




"Fear not deary ... I dare not waste ma dearyy's heart, trust and certainly not your love for me.
I may not be your ideal guy deary but I will definitely try my hardest to be your man."








"...try not to fritter away ma trust as well deary..
I love you so dear that it would damage me severely if our trust would fade away"




" I love you dearry...
immensely , that I would not want to see you get hurt or feel bad or not feel being cared of, let alone see you cry. Am sorry deary , I guess sometimes I get scared thinking that I might lose you."






"... am gonna try sooo hard to come and get you even if it means I'll crawl just to prove to you how much I love you ."








                                                                                 "Dearryy I'llsend your picture to Santa, ok? 
Para he'll know what I want for Christmas"




"...but all of God's miracles, large and small ...
The most miraculous one of all   is the one I thought I could never be:
GOD has given YOU to ME ... "




"It will come when we least expect it dearyy. Just when we zing the very first time dear, unexpectedly but magically right for each other. "




".. you know I would choose you over them without any moments hesitation. I love you and thats  promise  am gonna keep dearryy.."



"am not gonna go anywhere deary, u'll alwys come first. 
Anytime you'll whisper my name you'll see. I love you without any doubts deary... "



"I'm so in love with you dearryy. I'll gladly hold on deary and I will . Just don't let go. I wanna spend my lifetime with you dear. "




"I am destined to be with you Jela Mae Torres Ruales. My DumagueteƱan princess... Water girl... And my Rice Lady ....  I love youuuuu my one and only dearryy. "





"That sometimes dearry is a lifetime memory  I'l be sure to keep in my heart.Lets learn from our mishaps and grow from it for us to strengthen our heart's bond and may we be forever in each other's grasp. "



"Why would I want to stop ? Stop what? Am happily in Love with You Dearryy and thats something am gonna fight for. "



"...just though maybe I've already hurt you too much. So the best thing for you to do is just to let go then? 
.. wouldn't it be nicer to do something about the mistake and not actually do another mistake? "





" Realizing that you love someone brings about fear, a fear that someday the person you love might not be there forever. But realizing that fear brings a whole new meaning of love that you should chrish every moment and not waste a single second to always and constantly remind that you love them."



"We have both been through a lot deary. Yes, lets make each moment together be like our last time and give it our all. And I would never get tired to be together with ma dearyy. "

"Am speechless when am with ma dearry , blinded by all other things and sees only you, amma crawl to the ends of the world if thats the only way to reach ma dearryy "


"am putting ma all for both for us for our relationship to grow and last a lifetime. A lifetime I am soooo much willing to spend with you. You who makes me a better man when am with ma dearry. Ma dearryy who I hope is happy with this whole new world. "



"An I will love you til I can no longer feel ma heart beating. 
But before that would happen, I would spend my eternity with ma dearyy... contented and happy. "


"Waking up each day knowing that its gonna be another day for me to see ma dearryy is one of the reasons that keeps me motivated to live life.
Spending ma time with ma dearryy is priceless. Love you more than I could comprehend the hands of time. "




"Wish I could control time. Stop the hands of time from turning, moving and spending the rest of etermity with ma dearryy.. Captivatingly blissful. "



 ".. you are absolutely without a doubt in fact undeniably spot on... 
U and I , I and U... 
Perfect in every way possible .. Match made in heaven"





"When I laid my eyes on you dearryy, it was then set to gaze only my dearry's beauty , stalked on you like a vulture on its prey. But most wondrous thing of all is when this boy in me became a man who fell to ma deary's sweet love. "




"Both of us have change dearry.. 
We had to go through stages to improve ourselves for the better. and Im thankful for the both of us deary. If only you know how much I am glad for all of the things that happened to us. "




"...i want to feel like this always, having you , being with, spending time with you , laughing and crying with you ... Everything about you dearry and US ." 










"talks, sentiments, corny jokes, even ma poeticly nonsense moments which in fairness did in away delivered ma feelings. To the officiality of our togetherness even our foodtrips I cud still remember... the crazy yet sweet joyrides we has, the moments we spent intensely together, the times when even silence breaks the air... those breath of fresh air moments.... "



"I'll still reprimand you the way I always do, until such time that I would no longer need to ..."

"If this was in a court dearryy, 
my love for you is UNAPPEALABLE ... Final and conclusive. "



"and end it with , 
ma heart and your's in holy matrimony ... In God's time. I love you and will forever be your Man at the Fated Beach. "


*******************************************************

those and other countless words ....
words that keep me going,
words that diminish greatest hatred and mourning,
words that are meant to save a lost soul,
words that strengthen me in encompassing life's struggles,
words that sanctify a true lover's vow,
words that crosses over boundaries and reaches the highest peak,
words that I long to hear over a million chances,
words that prove that God hasn't forsaken me , and has given me all the bounties of life,
words that let me realize how grateful I am,
words that are just enough for me to say I am truly loved, and will love back genuinely in return

We both not need words flamboyantly  made; but heartily meant.

One simple "I LOVE YOU "  might imply a lot. But for US, it is a VOW. A promise to keep and to cherish... forever.  








Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Final Countdown

Never did I expect I would reach this far of not accessing this page. I miss blogging a lot. It’s been a year now since I last held a touch on my keyboard for a post. I guess it ain’t too late for this, as everyone would commonly say, “Better late than never.” 

My calendar had long flipped its last page. 2014 is my new chapter. Funny how my 2013 had been. Why not reminisce those bittersweet days I spent within that year. 

JANUARY- ‘Stop holding on to what hurts and make room for what makes you happy’
Still left broken from last December’s heartache.

It was the comeback of classes. I was never happy neither excited about it. Not because of school works to be accomplished but the horror of seeing HIM again. To forget was too hard, especially that we only move at the same campus.

I tried to reach out, to return things back to normal. But moments are just too rough on us. We were not able to talk personally. We spent several nights of calling and phone messaging. All I ever heard was"SORRY!" Yet this was not the word I want him to utter but instead the line expressing his love towards me. Yet, I guess it would never happen. We are destined to be FRIENDS. That’s what I need to accept. 

I tried rising up but I end falling and weeping again. Who is he anyway whom I should really shed tears on?! Simple. I was in love. Crazy in love.


FEBRUARY – DON"T ASK 

As far as I could remember, it was unmemorable ... LOL !


MARCH-APRIL- ‘ I am what I am! A journalist I must be!’
Before I could finally lift a heel high unto the last year of my college life, I still have to undergo such ‘On the-Job-Training’ (OJT) of a lifetime. By then, I felt the real pressures and perks of not just a mere Mass Communication student, but a full grown journalist.

Can't fathom how pre-occupied I was with my co-intern Cristine Antosada during those 2 consecutive months. The photos will prove.











MAY- ‘Great power comes great responsibility’
I was in the near-end of my internship journey when an offer sneaked in--- reporting for the May 2013 National Elections.


I was given the opportunity to voice-out on one of the most renowned radio stations in our town. The job was truly strenuous which really entails lots of searching, interviewing, observing, transcribing and broadcasting. Sleeping was never an option. We are all eyes 24/7 on the election’s occurrences. Details and results need to be aired anytime for listener’s sake---one risky but imperative task to perform. Though I felt a bit embarrassed, yet I am still proud of my role as being a transmitter of information. At least I proved to all that I can. I can be heard. I could really be as good as any broadcaster. Feeling professional as I should.


This was also the time I dropped my very first batch of votes on the ballot box. Got my finger inked. Hope I chose the right leaders.



JUNE- ‘Giving up is not an option, but a choice.’
No new stuffs, rooms and classmates to expect!

First day of school in college is not as exciting as high school. It was terrifying for me because I know there’ll be much tear and sweat to shed on. And indeed, I wasn’t mistaken. The first month of my senior year was nothing but a headache. Paper works from here and there, plus audio visual presentations to be accomplished equals DEADlines to beat. These and all were laid before us.

One project that took us to places we never been, situations we’re not accustomed to, people we never met and knew, is the production of an investigative report.


The topic we chose was the existence of abortion in our town. There are three of us in the group. Seeking interviewees was our biggest challenge. Strolling day and night for our first sniff, that’s our job. We have to persuade, pay if necessary, a prostitute, abortionist, abortion committer, abortion drug gambler and user just to get footage of them. We need not only write what has been gathered but present it as if real investigative reporters. We shoot videos almost every day and have it edited afterwards. We spent lots of sleepless nights just to make our presentation relevant and compelling to watch.



JULY- ‘A neophyte's first is her best!
Kids?

They are my greatest enemies BEFORE!
They are my dearest treasures TODAY!

Since then, I loathe kids a lot. I consider them as a big nuisance but as soon as I enter the premises of Good Image Learning Center (an English tutorial agency from where I applied on), my perceptions towards them altered. A soft spot within me was touched. It’s so fulfilling to see these smidgets learning from the insights and ideas you teach and share. As a mentor, I do not only educate, but listen as well. Through that, interaction is present; teaching is effective; connection gets deeper; bond clings tighter.

First time to apply in a company. First time to get hired. First time to experience online tutorial via Skype. First time to encounter Korean clients. Made lots of adjustments on these foreigners yet I was able to handle them upright.

Never thought I could. Teaching isn’t too hard. You just learn how to love it.




AUGUST- ‘Am good enough to forgive; but not stupid enough to trust again’
August 16, 2013. Friday. Ten on the dot.

It marked my most down pouring night.

He used to be humorous. He used to be responsible. He used to be sweet. He used to be caring. He used to be considerate. He used to be generous. He used to be supportive. He used to be the best.

He used to be my FATHER.

Rumors had reached me, saying that he’s been having a secret fling. I don’t wanna admit the fact that a father like him could commit such infidelity. Until that night came in. All my hopes, expectations and trust were torn into pieces.

I was in a concert having a good time with friends when a familiar figure of a man flashed in front of me. Behind him was a woman, on her thirties, holding pap’s shoulder. I was sure it wasn’t mom, neither a relative. And indeed, it was another woman. A f***ing WHORE!

If only I had the strength to grab her hair and drag her on the ground, I would. But I won’t. I won’t humiliate myself for doing such. Putting dirt on my hand? NO way!!!

A space is enough. Silence would tell. From then, a gap existed between us. Those father-and-daughter snuggling moments are no more to reminisce. Everything has changed now.


He has totally changed… so am I.



SEPTEMBER- ‘Be wise enough not to be reckless; but brave enough to take great risks’
Bars became my home.
Alcohol was my remedy.
Boys were my playmates.
Sex now becomes an option.

My year didn’t go well. I was filled with heartbreaking experiences. Day by day, the shadow of my past keeps on haunting me. Reckoning those times I was cheated, fooled, stupefy, left used and scarred by men I thought to be my knight-and-shining-armor. Even the man whom I least expected to be a dumbass just turned out to be one of the few as well---- that’s my father. I still bear grudges and grievance every time I remember that awful night I saw him with his whore while my mother sleeps in frustration at home.

By the time I could no longer endure the pain, hanging out became my form of escape. By that, I discovered another purpose for happiness. My weak persona was hidden with a fiercer visage whose soul gets light out from obscurity.

I was wild… wilder than anyone could ever imagine. I just lost everything. My dignity, virginity, my whole being. All of me.

If there’s any girl in the world who can be called bitch, that would be me. Am happy with it. I lived with it. A living bitch who learned how to stand on her own, whom to trust on, and how to see the world on larger point-of-views of life.

In and out I’ve changed. Maturity isn’t just told or said, but experienced--- may not be through at its best yet mostly at its worst.


OCTOBER- ‘The last time I did something for the first time’
We never planned of going out that day, nor thought of having our ears pierced.

Went off the mall and looked for the piercing section. Gosh! As first takers, I was a bit nervous. My other two friends felt the same way too. Nerve roused as I was when my left ear took its first shot. The procedure causes a minimal pain. My earlobe feels warm and flushed. I had a fainting feeling after the process.

Trying something new isn’t too bad. Helix piercing was actually cool. But that was my first and last. I don't want to spend another year waiting for an ear to be healed.



NOVEMBER- 'The busier the better'
Trimming down wasn't that hard.
Its a matter of STRESS. UNBALANCED DIET. Plus additional PAPERWORKS.
Equals losing weight.


The past few days, weeks and months I had, brought nothing but headaches. What a strenuous year I must say. I have to depart the house earlier than 7 a.m starving, scared of getting late in school. Go home at around 11 pm after 5 hours of student life and 6 hours of teaching life. Eats dinner and sleeps almost dawn. Wake up on the next day and miss breakfast again. Same routine almost everyday, except on weekends.

I would never wonder why others got surprised of how I look today. Critics from here and there. Most are compliments. Am loving it. Does one really has to undergo such hardships just to get noticed by many?!

Well, I say its all worth the sacrifice. *wink*





DECEMBER- ‘Love is sweeter the second time around’
I thought I won’t feel appreciated and adored again, but just until he came… BACK.

I made a mistake before. It’s time for me to correct it. I won’t lose him again. NO! NOT this time.


He was the first boy who made me realize how special I am. We did not work out. We’re both young back then, still immature on handling relationships. Lost communication for 3 to 4 years.Who would ever thought that from all men I had mingled with, I would still end up cradling with him.

Now, I can truly say we are ready. However, we haven’t made things official yet. Making the most out of the love and time we have is fair enough… for now. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen in the right time, with the right person, for the best reason.


This and other occurrences are just few of my most precious memoirs ought to be treasured.
A good year-ender for 2013.

Hello Kitty!

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