Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A dash of nuance this 2013

It’s been 16 days now since that doleful Christmas I had last year. It was terrible. Never have I imagined undergoing such anguish. It would have been better if the cause of my sorrow was the exhaustive paper works in school or the demeaning words from your parent’s mouth, but it wasn’t. Instead, I had been in pain and been weeping for several nights because of a MAN—one damn worthless man whom I adored so much that I could even dare to go to school having not accomplished any of my assignments because texting him late at night was far more interesting than scanning my notebooks.

How could I be so blind? I could be as tougher as anyone else in this world but why in terms of the games of love, I become timid? Is this how stupid I am? What have I done to make myself suffer so badly?

He was one hell of a man. He has that kind of appeal and personality which I truly longed for on a man. I never get bored everytime were together. Within that short span of time we’ve spent together, I knew part of him as much as he does to me. From all the guys I’ve met, he stood out. He wasn't too good-looking, ain’t tall nor whitely toned but for me everything in him was enough… enough for me to fall.

He was not too wordy. Only his actions and gestures spoke to me. Based on that, I knew he was sincere with his intentions. Yet we cannot be together as much as we wanted to, as much as I wanted to rather, because of certain circumstances. Forbidden love, as what everyone would say it.

I loved him, maybe… But I don’t know if he felt the same way too. I was uncertain and confused with the way he treats me. It was not that normal friend-snuggling thing I used to have with my other circle of friends. . I knew he cared for me. I knew he liked me because he said so. But there was this one line I longed to hear from him ever since. It was the words of, “I LOVE YOU!”

But despite that, I believed him though. I believed that day when he said he is willing to wait for me. I believed in every inch of those mushy text messages he would send late at night, in every touch of his hand, in every amorous stare of his, and in every word he utter.

From those bittersweet memories begotten from that moment the sun rises ‘til it drops itself into the horizon, I knew we were getting into something deep.

However, in an instant, he suddenly changed. He became a stranger to me. Between us warmth has evaporated and was replaced with aloofness. It was when he told me that he was getting back with her former girlfriend.I wasn’t just sad. I was in a total agony like being punched on a face with the biggest fist on earth. It hurt me a lot. A lot as in a lot!

I can still summon in mind that moment when he called up in the middle of the night, 25th of December, telling me “I’M SORRY!” I never wanted to hear that from him. But what choice do I have? What right do I have to hold him back? I was never his, neither he was mine. At that time, I sat still on a boulevard offshore, severely crying in pain. I didn't know what to do by then. I was alone... left with nothing but heartbreak and disappointment.

What I had in mind that time were questions of whys and hows. Struggled in confusions I asked myself, how could he do that to me? Was he really sincere? Did he intend to hurt me? Was it all a lie? How could he fool me?

Realization came up to me. Was there really something behind his sweetness towards me or was it just I who put colorful meaning unto every actions he do?

Could you just imagine... it happened on Christmas eve!!! What a nightmare! The merriest Christmas ever. Shoooot ! >_<

 Now, he is just somebody that I used to know. No spark at all. Initially, I have started moving on since its new year! I swore to myself and also to the people whom I shared that experience with not to cry anymore. I have shed too many tears and wasted enough love on him. HE'S NOT WORTH IT! HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME! 

I had once centered my life unto such man which was my biggest mistake. It is time for me to focus on the things I had neglected. I will give more time on my studies, family, true friends and most of all my relationship with God.

My life, once shattered, will slowly turn back to normal, piece by piece. My heart, once broken, will surely be whole again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but I know time heals.

For now, I'm gonna SMILE like nothing's wrong, PRETEND like everything's fine and ACT normally as I could.

8 sEEker thoughts:

Genskie said... Best Blogger Tips♥♥♥ any replies?..Best Blogger Templates

new year new beginning, new love... I wish you lots of that this year :)

Kiara said... Best Blogger Tips♥♥♥ any replies?..Best Blogger Templates

It's the new year, and I'm glad you're trying to move on :)

wReY sWiFt said... Best Blogger Tips♥♥♥ any replies?..Best Blogger Templates

Hope everything will be alright for you this year! ^◡^

P.S. Thanks for the visit on our blog! ^◡^


MEcoy said... Best Blogger Tips♥♥♥ any replies?..Best Blogger Templates

well sme love just never meant to last and i think it was just meant for you to be stronger so when the right one comes your pretty much ready

Noblesse Key said... Best Blogger Tips♥♥♥ any replies?..Best Blogger Templates

SI JESSIE NI SA? wahahahhahahahahahah...

aw, so sorry for the heartbreak Kid...but don't be a bitter loser... you'll get by!

gord said... Best Blogger Tips♥♥♥ any replies?..Best Blogger Templates

You're right with the crossed words: You don't deserve him!

Everyone get stupid when they fall in love. But eventually, after the pain, after you move along, you become a stronger and better person.

Nakakanosebleed ang unang post na nabasa ko dito. :)

Sui Generis Writer said... Best Blogger Tips♥♥♥ any replies?..Best Blogger Templates

*pat *pat*
I don't see a heartbroken girl in this post but a strong Jela who is all set to face life as it comes. Well done dear, for letting go and starting anew. :)

~✯*Jela*✯~ said... Best Blogger Tips♥♥♥ any replies?..Best Blogger Templates

@Sui Generis Writer thank you so much for that lovely comment. Its uplifting , ya know;-)

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